I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
