I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
