His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
