chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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