tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
