There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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