Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
