So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
