He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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