How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
