Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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