He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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