Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
