She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
