it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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