She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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