I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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