my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
