Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dick very happy bro
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
