on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
