This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
