so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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