After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
