i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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