Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
