You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
