Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's blow job season.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
