I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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