Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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