who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
