We named our party play list daddy issues
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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