she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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