ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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