i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
