If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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