allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
