Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
