Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
