the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
