we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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