If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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