I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize