cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
