Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
