Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
