I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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