I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
