so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i'm inner monologue high
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
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