Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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