I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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