ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
