He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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