am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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