Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
