why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
