I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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