In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
