So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she looked like the before picture.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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