haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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