who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
