Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
