Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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