I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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