I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
