when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
