Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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