So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
