So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
