I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
