i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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