I have demons in me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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