like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
