Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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