If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
