This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
