We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
