please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
