MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
